Barbershop Duet

Colbert is doing some of the best late-night, talk-format TV seen in years. It's like "Jackass" meets NPR meets Hannity.

While promoting his new movie about the Army, "The Messenger," Woody Harrelson, who is generally a hard-left critic of all things war, agrees to have his head shaved "to support the troops." The National Anthem was a genius touch. And extremely well-executed. I'm sure the troops are proud.

The Boy Who Cried Balloon

Richard Heene, father of Balloon Boy, is a new type of villain for the Reality Age, duping the world into believing that his son was swirling through the Colorado clouds in a runaway balloon.

So, here's our intrepid Lego reporter from Xtranormal to confront this jackass, a man we'd all be happy to never see again. But something tells me he's here to stay.



Crossposted to Where's My Jetpack?..

And THIS Perfectly Illustrates What I've Been Trying To Say

A painter in Utah, who has apparently studied at the Watchtower School of Design on a Thomas Kinkade scholarship, has painted what he himself describes as a "masterpiece." He also says it is full of "symbolism." Mr. McNaughton is good, certainly better than me, but Michael Jackson commissioned just such a masterpiece to illustrate his own messianic delusions.

Within the scene below we go deep into the mind of a man who has been fed a diet of lies and sludge from a right wing media-machine "unequally yoked" with the teachings of a few fringe church leaders, as well as the doctrines of assorted cults of the Mountain West. (Nobody invoked Moroni directly, so lighten up, Salt Lake City. And don't even get me started, Colorado Springs.)


To wit: Ronald Reagan is a saint. The media is evil. Hollywood is bad. The Constitution is a Holy Document. The Founding Fathers were all God-fearing men. America is the Promised Land. White people rule. And Jesus came that you might pursue Lfe, Liberty and Happiness in a glorious, holy and teabagging Million White-man March on Washington. Don't tread on me. Jesus got my back, bitches.

Oh, yeah. And where's the birth certificate?

And to the painter of this atrocious abomination, I offer these words that he surely recalls:

"How much she hath glorified herself, and lived deliciously, so much torment and sorrow give her: for she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, and am no widow, and shall see no sorrow."

If that passage isn't ringing any bells, Painter Guy - Masterpiece Maker - Revealer of Light and Shadow - Keeper of the Keys, you can certainly dig it up in a voluminous and ancient tome found in the nightstand of any hotel room. Hint: last book, about 4/5 in.

Pride, idiots. Pride.

In The Coming Race Wars

My latest Xtranormal movie. A fun little tool.

Should've Asked Them About a Black President

Old LIFE magazines are now available, in full, on Google Books. It's a great treasury of American life. In my first random sample of a 1970 issue, I found this survey of White America.

Larger

Note how the last question is phrased. It's a not-so-subtle conjuring of the old "big Negro men coming to take away the white women" vision.

Obama The Regular Guy

Coates nails it:

But Barack Obama, bourgeois in every way that bourgeois is right and just, will not dance. He tells kids to study--and they seethe. He accepts an apology for an immature act of rudeness--and they go hysterical. He takes his wife out for a date--and their veins bulge. His humanity, his ordinary blackness, is killing them. Dig the audio of his response to Kanye West--the way he says, "He's a jackass." He sounds like one of my brothers. And that's the point, because that's what he is. Barack Obama refuses to be their nigger. And it's driving them crazy.

Regarding his "jackass" comment, (which everyone agrees with) the right wing accusation, Hannity leading the charge for the last two days, is that it was not "presidential."

You know what? It's time to ignore these fucktards. There simply isn't anything the man can do that will ever be worthy of any recognition in their eyes. He could turn around tomorrow and adopt every policy they want, and they'd accuse him of having no moral center and appealing to polls.

You can blast Jimmy Carter all day long for admitting that there is racism in this country (SHOCKER!), but the man is right. "Crazy old coot," they call Carter today. (Whatever happened to respecting your elders?) But Carter (a Christian) was never welcome in their Christian circles anyway, because he also would never play their game. (Plus he dared to look at the other side of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Traitorous failure peanut farming bastard.)

I Might Have To Take Up Stop-Motion Animation

Using these props as the main characters. Endless fun, I'm sure.